You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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