My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".