My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
