Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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