plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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