it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
