I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
