Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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