I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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