I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
