two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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