I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
