Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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