the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
