I think I won the penis lottery.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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