You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
