am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
