Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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