he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
