She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
