Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Found the puke drawer
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
