Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I did not marry a roomba.
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