what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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