if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
