I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
