I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
