This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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