What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
