Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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