I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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