Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
