Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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