do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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