you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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