My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
