This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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