I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
