I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
