well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
