how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
