Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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