i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
