At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
