i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
porn star boner night. come get it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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