just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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