Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
