You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
