I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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