Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
