How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You're a waste of cheezeits
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
