He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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