so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
