; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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