Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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