And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
