fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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