i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You ruined the universe
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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