so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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