I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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