well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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