I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
