I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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