the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize