I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
