Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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