So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
