This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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