So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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