Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
