All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
