Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize