Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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