Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
