hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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