I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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