That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
try to milk me bitch
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