Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
