I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
