Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I currently don't understand fingers.
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