the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
