Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
