You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
