I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
