Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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