he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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