If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
