Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
